I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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