My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
