my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize