so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
