I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
