Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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