Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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