Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize