I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
