hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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