Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
