i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
