I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
