just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
