You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
