Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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