K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
