Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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