He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
