I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
