party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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