I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
