I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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