so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
