So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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