Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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