Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
