The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
2020 sucks, I want a refund
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
