someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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