Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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