Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
