I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
