im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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