Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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