just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize