He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you had me at cake vodka
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
