GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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