Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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