this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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