There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
