ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
