so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
