If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
