wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
