Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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