remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
