Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
