It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
