she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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