You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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