This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
