Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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