I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
