I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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