He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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