why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
