there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
