i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
