So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
