this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
