It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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