Just fell off a train. Bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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