I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
