Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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